Hey yalls. It’s been a while… huh? Yeah… I’d say sorry, but some rad shit has gone down and there’s a reason for our absence. 

To be blunt… we’ve made some changes. Both Sean and I moved cities. The Rivestaurant as you know it, now belongs to someone else. 

That being said… we WILL be moving forward. IN. FULL. EFFECT. 

We both like sports and cartoons, so we’ve added an extremely valuable asset to our team… A video editor who is fucking RAD and has worked in a professional capacity in both sports and animation. 

With the move, new image, and team mate, we will also be launching a website the same day as our new episode. 


With someone editing the videos, we’ll both have time to update content more frequently with more videos, recipes and shenanigans. 

That being said, it only seems like a no brainer to change the name of the show to GET IT IN YOUR FACE…

HOWEVER the RIVESTAURANT and GET IT IN YOUR FACE will both be on the same channel. The main reason for doing this… GIIYF is easier for people to remember and tell people about without them saying “Huh”.. 

So that’s it… 

I’ve watched the rough edit of our new video…. It’s rad… Welcome aboard Matt… 

Personally, I can’t wait. 

See you all on the youtubes real soon. 

Thanks for sticking around through this transition. I promise, It’s gonna be rad. 

Do me a favor and Like this facebook page…

Word is blog



The Slow Larry - The Epicest Cheese Burger to Ever Exist.

The Slow Larry

The Slow Larry began to take form as a burger, circa 2007 when my band lived in a b-dup house on Acadia Drive, Calgary Alberta. Coincidentally, that same band was born out of the ashes of a barn they caused to be burned down, May Long Weekend, 2006 - their first show. 

It saw many transformations including being the first episode we ever shot. It was right around tax return season, because it was the same day Sean and I bought our first camera from future shop with my tax return. rookie movie.

Enough about the history… oh yeah…. It’s called a Slow Larry because of what happens the next day… Bon Appetitefordestruction.

Here’s how to make it.


1 lb ground Beef
1 lb ground pork
aprox. 1/2 lb bacon
cheddar cheese (shredded)
4 cloves roasted garlic
1/2 an Onion
1 TBLS Paprika
1 egg
1 TBLS bbq sauce
1 TSP tarragon
1 roasted jalapeno

1 roasted corn on the cob
1 roasted jalapeno
2 TBLS Sugar
1 TBSL Apple Cider Vinegar
Lemon Zest

1/4 Cup Bacon fat
1 1/2 TBLS butter
1 TSP cayanne
1 TBLS Whiskey
1 Drop Liquid Smoke

1/2 cup Mayo
1 TBLS Chipotle
3 Cloves Roast Garlic
Lemon Zest

Dandelion Leaves
olive oil

Smash each one of those things together… and then smash the new things that you made together and get it in your face.


Dandelion Coleslaw

I made a post yesterday about Danedelion and how eating it will make you crush everything. But Dandelion is bitter and a few people might not be sure what to use it with. Here’s an easy recipe that goes great in fish tacos with Grilled White Fish… ie) Blackened Halibut. Try it out. 

Shopping list 

  • A bunch Dandelion greens
  • 4 Radishes
  • 1 tsp Poppyseeds
  • 1/2 Shallot
  • 1/2 Red Onion
  • 1/2 Cup Mayo
  • 1 tsp Honey
  • 1 tsp of white wine vinegar
  • 1/2 tsp Paprika 
  • Sea Salt and Pepper
  1. Stack Dandelion leaves on top of each other and roll into what looks like a dandelion doobie. (This is just a flashy and effiecievt way of schopping them.
  2. Thinly slice dandelion and place in bowl.
  3. Julienne Radishes, Shallot and Red Onion and add to bowl along with other ingredients. 
  4. Get it in your face.  This should serve 2 or 3. 

Eat Danelion. Crush Everything

Health Benefits of Danelion.
I copy and pasted this.

1 ) Cancer : Dandelion root extract is unique, and is one of the only things found to help with chronic myelomonocytic Leukemia and It is effective in treating Breast Tumors

2 ) Detoxification of vital organs : Because of the diuretic abilities of dandelion root, it is beneficial for flushing out the Liver, Kidneys and Gallbladder. İt works great to purify the blood and cleanse the system. This also makes it a good herb for Fighting İnfections.
It is also used for Arthritis, Osteoarthritis , Gout and Rheumatism

3 ) Dandelion tea actively ameliorates disease—it is a potent disease-fighter—and helps the body heal, helps Boost İmmunity and Heart Disease, and age-related Memory Loss.

4 ) Treating Anemia : Because of the high content of iron in dandelion root, it is beneficial for building red blood cells in the body to treat anemia.

5 ) Treating Diabetes : Dandelion root has been shown to lower blood sugar levels in patients. In Europe, it’s used to treat Type-1 and Type-2 diabetes.

6 ) Digestive System : Dandelion root, when made into a tea, is beneficial for relieving constipation, flatulence and fullness.

7 ) Treating High Blood Pressure : Dandelion root is a natural Diuretic. When combined with its high potassium content, it is an effective treatment to lower blood pressure.

8 ) Dandelion tea helps reduce High Cholesterol.

9 ) High Nutritional Value : Dandelion root contains vitamins A, B-complex, C and D as well as the minerals İron, Zinc and Potassium. This combination of vitamins and minerals also makes dandelion root a High Antioxidant Food.

10 ) Mood Enhancer : Due to the high amount of vitamin B-complex, dandelion root can help to stabilize mood and Treat Depression.

11) It is very beneficial to Menopausal Women

12 ) Dandelion root is also used to treat skin disorders such as Acne, Eczema and Psoriasis.

13 ) Laxative : Dandelion root is also a mild laxative and is used to help with regularity.

14 ) Dandelion tea helps with weight control—especially with Weight Loss.

( Composting spent dandelion tea Blossoms, Leaves, and/or Roots, after drinking your dandelion tea, improves soil composition. )

( There are very few side effects linked to using dandelion root. Allergic Reactions to the herb have been reported. People taking prescription lithium, a diuretic, medication to lower blood pressure or medication to lower blood sugar should not take dandelion root. Women who are Pregnant or Breastfeeding should consult their doctor before taking this herb. )

Nothing to see here, just Grilled Maple Smoked White Salmon, on a bed of Cranberry Almond Rice with grilled Bell Peppers and Purple Asparagus.

I will be chasing that dragon for the rest of my life.

Recipe coming soon.

(Source: maplesmokedwhitesalmon)

420 Golden Graham Smores Bars (from the box)

Yes, I stole this recipe from the golden grahams box.

You will need:

  • Mini Marshmallows
  • Chocolate chips
  • Butter
  • Vanilla
  • Golden Grahams® cereal


Grease 13x9-inch pan with butter.

Set 1 cup of marshmallows aside.

Heat a pan, melt 1 1/2 cup chocolate chips, 3-5 TBLS butter, and 4ish cups marshmallows over low heat, stirring, until completely melted.

Remove from heat; stir in TSP of vanilla.


2 Pour cereal into large square baking pan. Pour chocomarshmallowbuttervanilla megamix over cereal; stir until evenly coated.

Stir in remaining 1 cup marshmallows.


pour mixture into greased 13x9-inch pan. Press smores megamix so evenly distributed among pan and let cool at room temp for an hour.


Smoke mad amounts of weed, Consume.

HAPPY 420! I’ll leave you with a 420 mix tape from my friend over at galactic scoundrels.

MMMSAUCE (Portobello Bacon Mushroom Cream Sauce)

Portobello Bacon Mushroom Sauce


  • portobello mushrooms
  • shallot
  • garlic
  • thick cut bacon
  • rosemary
  • maple syrup
  • port / red wine
  • cream
  • butter
  • grana padano or a sharp parmesan cheese
  1. Wash a dry 2 Portobello Mushrooms. I’ve seen a lot of debate over removing the spores, I think they’re fine… others say they will leave fungal spores in your stomach and you will grow mushrooms; I call bullshit. If I were to stuff the mushroom, then absolutely. But for this, they’re fine.

  2. Add all the stuff above in the order placed above…  
    • add vegetables and allow to sweat
    • add bacon and chopped mushrooms allow a few moments to cook bacon.
    • add maple syrup allow a moment to gell with the other flavors,
    • add port. reduce on a medium temperature
    • add cream or milk and reduce until desired consistency.

Serve on Pork Chops, Chicken, Pasta, Potatoes, Rice, Gnocchi, Burgers, and anything else you can think of.

Watch the video

Ghetto Version.

  • mushrooms
  • 1/2 and onion
  • garlic
  • bacon
  • rosemary
  • aunt jemima
  • red wine
  • milk
  • butter
  • parmesan cheese (optional)

(Source: mmmsauce)

The ones and twos of barbecues. PART 2 STEAK

Now that we’ve covered the basics of grilling, let’s talk a bit about what you’re going to be putting on said grill, and eventually into your face hole.

Let’s begin with STEAK

This is where I grew up. Calgary, Al-motherfucking-berta. otherwise known as Cowtown, home to the greatest outdoor show on earth . Beef runs in  our veins as much as the oil we use fuel our economy to buy it.

As an Albertan and butcher trade drop out, I know a little bit about beef.

I always get asked what are grilling steaks and what are marinating steaks. If you’re showing up to the block party with an eye of round, because it “looked like a good size” you’re doing it wrong.


I pretty much just made this up… but I can assure you, it’s legit.

Steak comes from the hind quarter of the cow.
Basically, if it’s got the word “Loin” in it, you’re good to grill… well, and the Rib Eye… the ribeye counts too.
"What about T-bones, Chris?” 

The T-Bone Steak is made up of the TenderLOIN (the smaller muscle) and the StripLOIN (the bigger muscle). It’s the BOSS of the BBQ.

The only thing greater than the T Bone a straight up tenderloin. Filet Mignon, bitch. Get it in your face at least once in your life. 

DISCLAIMER: The only exception to the “Loin” rule is the SirLOIN Tip. The reason for this, is because secretly, is also called the Round Tip or the Tri tip. It actually comes from the ROUND section of the hind quarter. It’s a really tough, muscle-ey part of the cow (right between the leg and the flank). 

Don’t get suckered in by the price of this bitch. It’s a chewy, unforgiving, shitty piece of meat without marinating or doing something to it when it comes to grilling.

Fun Fact: Sirloin Tip’s make great Kebobs… in case you give a fuck about that kind of shit.

Don’t get fooled between the Sirloin TIP and the TOP sirloin. The Top Sirloin is legit. I like this piece of meat becuase you can make it go a long way. I like using it to grill and put in wraps and make stir fry’s with. 


Steaks that need to be Marinated.

  • FLANK Steak – cheap and awesome, IF you marinate it.

here is the BEST GODDAMNED FLANK STEAK MARINADE RECIPE IN THE WORLD. It’s so radical, it has been my birthday meal every year since I was 10.  It’s also my mom’s. Pretty sure it won’t let you down.

Another rule of steak (that I just made up) is; If it’s got “round” in it. You should marinate it.

    •    Eye of the round
    •    Inside round
    •    Outside round

I tend to stay away from the “Round” family altogether, unless I’m making a roast; even then, it’s rare that I’ll even bother with it… but that’s just me.

If you’re marinating sirloins (with the exception of the Tip) you’re doing it wrong, and probably ruining good steak.

That being said.
Marinades come in many types and flavors. There’s millions of awesome combinations to try. Throughout the course of our relationship I hope to inspire you enough and give you the fundamentals so you can start experimenting yourself.
Usual Suspects (depending on what you’re doing) include…

    •    Booze
    •    Soy or Worcestershire Sauce
    •    Acids (Vinegar, Citrus, etc)
    •    Sugars
    •    Spices
    •    Everything Nices

…and range in time needed from an hour up to 3 days.


Once you’ve got your steak on the grill, there only 2 technique that come into play.  

The Finger Test. and resting it (see below)

If you poke it with ANYTHING, thermometer included or cut into it… I will punch you. Every grill is different, I strongly believe sea level is a factor… this is the most legit way of cooking a steak. Learn it, and you will swear by it.



Personally, when it comes to seasoning steak, less is more.

If you’re going to put any type of salt on it (or any type of seasoning for that matter), do it WAY early. Not right before or while you’re cooking it.

Montreal Steak Spice is nice to put on after you’ve rested it, along with some garlic butter. mmmmmbitch.

If you’re drowning it in BBQ sauce… I can respect your life choice, but don’t condone it.

Do what you want. I’m not your real mom.



Allow 5 minutes for your meat to rest on a warmed plate or cutting board.

Give it a while to allow the juices to redistribute throughout the meat…. Instead of all over your plate and into your mashed potatoes and salad.

This will create that perfect melt in your mouth sensation.

Stay Tuned!

Til next time,